HIGH GEAR/FEBRUARY 1978

THE VALUE OF FRIENDS

By Dennis Highland Several times before, I have made mention of friends and how they are particularly important in our gay culture. But now I realize that I haven't given this topic its true worth, so now I feel an obligation to present the inestimable value of friends in a gay life that can often be jaded and lonely.

Of course, no matter what your affectional preferences may be, friends are wonderful to have. You can relate to them better than with strangers or acquaintances, and can also usually avoid the mind games so common with lovers. But the uniqueness of the gay ambience gives the concept of true friendship a very special but pervasive understanding of the difficulties inherent in being gay in a predominantly straight world. This understanding is necessary, and serves as a basis for two friends to communicate with each other, and not just talk to each other.

Friends are the best kinds of people to do things with, as well. Vacations, picnics, and even the bar scene are usually more enjoyable if there are friends to go with. Telephone calls during the week from a good friend take some of the drudgery out of a work day and

some of the heartache out of feeling lonely and uncared-for. True friends do care for each other, and the symbiotic nature of a friendship is especially healthy in that it helps make us feel more human.

And what about sex with friends? There are probably as many different outlooks on this as there are people. As I've said before, sex should be a physical way of expressing a mental attraction. And I certainly feel mentally attracted to my friends, although in approaching this aspect of a friendship, as well as everything else, I feel the basis rests upon mutuality; so this is entirely a subjective evaluation between the friends involved.

Friends provide a welcome middle ground between the inevitable "one night stands," with all the emotional callousness; and the "lovers," a term I have usually found to be a misnomer and which often connotes a relationship based upon a sense of "love" without the friendshup first that is, I feel, necessary to make a deep emotional commitment possible.

True friends are difficult to make, but once they are, being gay seems so much more enjoyable. Perhaps it's the sense of sharing that is so

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desirable; the idea of not being alone, of relating to someone who thinks like you do. Have you ever seen the people at the bar who always stand alone, with the blank looks on their

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faces? Have you ever wondered Please mail this form, with your check or money order, to how empty their gay lives must be? These are the people who, through their unwillingness or inability to make friends, are almost invariably destined to remain alone. These are the people who are to be pitied; they haven't yet assimilated the idea of a gay community, and are just aging by themselves.

As I said in last month's issue, it is our friends who have the single greatest impact on our gay lives. What definition each of us may ascribe to friendship may differ; to me it is not a mere acquaintance, but a relationship of understanding, liking, and even a sense of loving. I respect my friends; I value their opinions; and I never want to be without them. Having gay friends has been the single most enjoyable result of my coming out. To anyone who has no true friends now, they should find out what they've been missing. The value of friends is priceless.

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February 12 Film: "Boys in the Band Cleveland State University 2 P.M. February 16Dignity/Cleveland Executive Board Meeting 7:30 P.M. 6201 Franklin Blvd., Cleveland, Ohio

February 18Dignity/Cleveland Monthly liturgy and social 7:30 P.M. Pot Luck Dinner and Cash Bar St. Philomena Church, 13824 Euclid Avenue, East Cleveland, Ohio

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February 21 Gay Educational and Awareness Board meeting call gay hotline for time and place of meeting. February 23Dignity/Cleveland General Meeting 8:00 PM. Hallinan Center Case Western Reserve University Guest Speaker: Dr. Robert McGovern (program rescheduled from January) March 4 Central Ohio Gay Coalition Workshop call

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